Now I smile

I have nothing. Nothing. I'm  blank. I'm sterile. Void of any spunk. Couldn't find it even if i looked . The Funk .  Dance no more, and smile? what a bore. In a state of mind when I'm just on borrowed time. Asleep but walking around. Negativity you may say, dominating , the devil or some other being.  Hard not to agree. I see the darkness all around me, Yet light no candle nor close my eyes. Face the darkness, face the reality.  The news don't scare me. News changes with each minute of each hour and each day... barely affects my eyes, or anything that makes me cry. --Real men cry. Yet I don't feel like a man at all if tears ever stream down these cheeks.  These cheeks   these cheekamokes ha,ha, cheekamokes, . smile. now i smile

Phase

One day you look around and wonder , how did I get here, what steps lead me down this path.  

Who guided me? Who slighted me?  Slight of hand, the magicians can. 

 Make you look up while they do something down. Making you laugh like a circus clown.

Clowned by life, thinking you had to get married, have a family, have a wife, get a car, and another, one more, two --now three.

Never questioning if this is how it's supposed to be. It's the power of love!

 Somebody sang once on the radio long long time ago.

I hated that song.  

Only power I know is the one that beats in my chest and pumps blood thru my head. both

Power of the blood.

Powerless, we all are, in the grand scheme of days and nights.   

we find it , then grind it, then wonder if we ever liked it.

Feeling this tingling all thru the  body, like sharp needles poking away, 

all over the arms, the chest, the scalp, the face

This skin...driving me insane...ouch. ouch, umm this has gotta stop 

It's the d r u g s   and all of their side effects this i know.

Yet, still sip n swallow......take a pill, than another because that last pill

had a side effect, so here's another, equals new side effect, here you go another pill...

"pills thrills daffodils will kill"....that's the line that shaped my life, shaped my mind.  The line that helped me escape in a dire dire time

Back when I was a boy.  2 be young again,,, I wrote better when I was younger...more free, more creativity, more mind to flex and less responsibility or fret.  More hormones I guess. 

How many lovers have you had? Don't lie, if you didn't love them were they lovers at all ?? Or just a  f   u   c  k  doll?

Now see, that's the youngsta' coming out of me.... Sometimes you gotta reach back, down, inside, way way back and pull that youngsta' out of you.   

Unfocused youngsta' , wannabe gangsta', immature pranksta', pullin up n down on that wangsta'.

Go now, and find that youngsta' in you , bring him out to play once in awhile

 then maybe that number you call age

 will just be a phase.

 phase 

phase

phase