I used to write all the time as a teenager and into my 20's. I was also inspired and so damn creative, I was certain I would become a writer of some kind. It was in me. It was me. WAS, being the primary word. I havent written anything for almost 15 years. I stopped and never tried again until now
Sure, there were times that I thought about or even started to write a few words, but I just couldnt think of what to put down on paper.
Sometimes when I'm working, driving, or working out on the eliptical machine I get these ideas and outlines of stories in my head.Then I do nothing with them and eventually forget them. Why did I stop? It was my dream to be a writer , and I got sidetracked and pointed into a totally different directon in life. And I just kept going into that great abyss of life. Having a child, getting married, working, having more children, and working at jobs I didnt get any satisfaction from. No sense of accomplishment like I think I would have from writing and being creative. I need the outlet of creating or making something out of nothing. Coming up with phrases, verbs, nouns, or just plain crazy thoughts put down on paper. So, Im going to venture back into writing, somehow --someway, I will just write and try to get back on the path I was meant to be on.
I want to stop right now, stop typing this very paragraph. Now, just want to quit and go watch TV or do something else, anything just to avoid writing because of one thing. That one thing that stops so many people from doing so many things in life. FEAR.
FEAR has screwed with my head and life ever since I left high school and moved away from my hometown. Back then I was fearless and didnt care...FUDGEPACKER! Didnt want to use the F word just now outta fear.. fear my kids may read this one day. Im laughing to myself right now...Fear is popping its ugly head up again. Fear my image will get tarnished and the kids will think of their dad in a negative way. My image seems so important to me. Not just my image with my kids, but with my family in general.
Ive always played the role of the responsible son, brother, father, husband...etc. Get what Im saying? We all play these roles and get stuck in them and stop being who we are or thought we were. Ugh, I want to stop writing again. Im just typing away right now, not even thinking of my next sentence or word. I remember in high school or college , I think they call it something. I cant remember what. My memory is getting so bad, so it seems. My brain is like an old computer on dial up ,, Trying to retrieve information and taking a long long time or not locating it at all. Im in constant "clockin" mode!
Okay, my back is freakin killing me right now. I mean burning!! The left lower always gives me problems..every day..and my doctor tells me maybe I need a new bed then gives me some pain pills. Obamacare has nothing to do with this, before someone says "damn obamacare", I'm smiling
as I type that. Funny right. I am trying my damnest no to use LOL. Tired of that acronym. It is so played out, people need to boycott it. Seriously."LOL" is so lame, it pisses me off sometimes, even though Im guilty of it too. Lol. Then we have to put a damn smiley face or winking face afterwards.
God have mercy on our society and all the facebook and social media conquering our childrens brains. Hell, conquering all of our brains. I barely actually SPEAK to people , its all text,facebook,twitter,emai,etc.. You know what Im saying.kids, dont you?
So I'm gonna stop right now. Stopping for a day is not a failure, But I stopped for over 15 years...EPIC FAIL as they say these days. LOL :-)
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