V

"V"

Vehemently

Vehemently
Vehemently
I suppress

Vehemently
Vehemently
Vehemently
I decompress

Vehemently
Vehemently
Vehemently
Until depressed

Now it's time u heard the story

The vast turbelence that follows me
Controlling ; unjustly
these tendencies

Vehemently at

A tender age
Then the Rage

defiled at 10 
then

Set on the course towards 
Veiled normalcy

Mentality mashed
Innocence vanished

Vanished
Vanished
Vanished 

Vengeance
 Does nothing in this lifetime or the next

Veiled 

Are my tendencies and seemlessly hexed.

Vehemently
Vehemently
Vehemently
I decompress

Then gaze at the reasons
The seasons 
That have passed

Vexed
Hexed

A life sentence
no repentence 

battling the repurcussions

of what you did 2 me

V

 

Uncle Dan the Man

      Twenty years ago -- October 2, 1997 one of my favorite Uncles  "Dan The Man" Martinez passed on after being stricken with cancer.  He was a special guy in many ways and was loved by all his nephews and nieces.  Today I will share a little bit of why he and I had a special bond.

     From 1987 to 1989, during my high school years, I had a habit of stopping by my Grandma's house late at night on the weekends to visit with him.  Ok, I admit I often showed up with some of my buddies or maybe some girlfriends to try and bribe him into buying us beer.  If he did, we would buy him a six pack of his beer of choice- 'Milwaukees Best', which ironically was THE WORST.  Don't believe me? Go taste it.  Uncle Dan always proclaimed "I don't drink nothing but the best" as he grinned and pointed to his can of beer. 
        
     Now just to backtrack, my earliest memory of him traces back to a time when he had a  black and gold Trans Am.  Yes, just like the one Burt Reynolds drove in "Smokey and the Bandit"!  Hey, it was the 70's and that was the coolest car anyone could have.  Still bad ass in my opinion.  I still remember one time sitting in the back seat terrified with my heart racing fast as he sped so fast downhill that I was sure we were going to crash!  I nearly peed myself and I don't recall wearing a seat belt either -- how times have changed.  Of course, he was smiling and laughing the whole time. Back then he had a good paying job at John Deere, a wife, and a son named Christopher.  I don't know all the details of how he lost his job, divorced, and eventually lost contact with his son, and at this point it doesn't really matter.  I only bring it up because there was one night when I was hanging with him and we got to talking about life a little more seriously than we normally would. 
     
     It was probably midnight on a Saturday and he had made some of his infamous popcorn.  This is popcorn he made on the gas stove in a pan with oil and popcorn kernals-- he had to shake the pan as it was popping.  Old school popcorn, none of this microwave popcorn or air popped crap.  He than would get a paper grocery bag and roll the sides down a little bit, dump the popcorn in, douse it in salt and melt a whole stick of butter (maybe two) and drench that popcorn, and shake it up.  You would see the patches of wetspots thru the outside of the bag from the oil or butter.  This popcorn was legendary 'Dan the Man' popcorn and hard to replicate.



 As we talked that night he began sketching pictures and told me about how he used to draw back when he was in High School.  I watched and saw his drawings come to life, he actually was pretty damn good and I had no idea he had that talent.  We continued chatting and as usual I was laughing at one of his many cut downs or jokes.  He had a knack for saying the right thing at the right time to make you just crack up laughing.  

 But, for a few moments on this night our conversation changed as he got a little more serious.  He confided in me about how much he missed his son and how he would do anything to have another chance to see him again.  I could see he had a deep longing for a relationship with Christopher.  All the while, he was still drawing away as he was talking to me about all of this.  I remember thinking man maybe those days of him cruising in that Trans Am were  some of the best days of his life.  But I knew he had good times after that, because all the family holidays and get togethers at Grandmas- not to mention the 85' Bears Superbowl, were all good times too. Then again all of those things may be fine but still do not erase the feelings or depression involved with life situations.  We all learn that as we get older.  

      Alright stop, it is not all grim, really our conversation did not stay too serious too long because Dan the Man didn't roll that way. 

DAN THE MAN PHOTOBOMB

     He was the nickname king...I think he played a hand in giving his nieces and nephews alot of thier nicknames, and  there were so many of us Bubbers, Boo, Coo, Head, Boy, Cheekamokes, Larsh,Doo Doos, City,--they all know who they are.  He even nicknamed a few of the girls I took over on the weekends, Kate was 'kitty kat' and Toni was "lips".  If he didn't have a nickname for you he probably just called you a dork!  My buddies used to call him "Cheech" because he reminded them of Cheech from'Cheech n Chong'. 

Most of the time he would be the first person you saw walking into Grandma's back door.  Crouched down with his head looking out the window, he'd greet you with a snide comment or cut down that would make you both laugh-- all out of love, the way families love.  I remember my mom would make him one of his favorite dishes for his birthday-- Meatloaf.  Uncle Dan had a personality that would just bring smiles to everyone because he was so damn funny and quick with the one liners or comebacks.  I still remember when he used to call my house and say "where's your fat mom at?" and then he would chuckle."  Or he would say something to make fun of me and I'd laugh at myself.  It was common for him to have one of my cousins go get a beer for him from the fridge and after they handed it to him, instead of saying thank you, he might say "okay, get outta my face" and we would all laugh.  All of us boys remember receiving the bullet from him! (ouch)

     With so many of his brothers and sisters having kids, he took care of most of his nephews and nieces at one time or another taking on babysitting duties so we all  have our "Dan the Man" memories.  

 After I moved to Texas, I would come back and visit once or twice a year and I still remember Uncle Dan was always one of the first people to call me when I got into town.  He would ask what my plans were, when was I going to go visit and I always made it a point to make sure I got to see him during my stays. 
     
The tragic loss of our cousin Alisha  tore him up inside and a few years later he was was stricken with cancer.   
I remember my Aunt Anna and I drove from Texas to visit him in the hospital.  A few weeks after I got back he passed away and I wasn't able to go return for his funeral.       

   
     I often wonder how cool it would be to have him here still, so he could see how everyone is now all grown up with kids of our own.  To all my younger cousins who weren't lucky enough to meet 'Dan the Man', you would have loved him.  He was a special guy that always made you laugh. I guarantee you he'd have a nickname for you too.  Well, he probably has one waiting for you in heaven.  Get ready. 

   

Remembering Uncle Phil: Primetime

      My Uncle Phil was many things to many people.  A caring son, a respected Brother, a dedicated Father and Husband, a trusted Lawyer, and an Uncle I looked to up to with admiration.

       As long as I can remember Uncle Phil seemed to have this ability to easily read people. Simply put, he could tell when somebody was full of crap.  I recall many times watching him as he sat across a table eating and having a conversation with someone.  He would be nodding his head with this sly grin on his face making his trademark smacking sound while he ate; then every minute or two he would mutter "oh, ya", to let the person know he was listening.  Little did they know he was also measuring the authenticity of what they were saying.  He would ask alot of questions and at times it seemed like he was a skeptic but in all actuality it was because he was smart and was trying to find the logical reason or answer to the situation. 
     I smile as I remember many funny moments as a teenager watching and listening as he would indulge our Uncle Joe "Yo-Yo" (God rest his soul) who would talk about conspiracies.  Stories of government cover ups or secret mob crimes that Uncle Phil would get a chuckle out of because he would poke holes in the story or make points to unravel the conspiracy and point towards more logical reasons behind events. Of course me and my adventurous mind, I believed the conspiracies! But not Uncle Phil, he was a thinker.  Looking back now I can clearly see the way his mind worked and combined with his keen sense for reading people it only makes sense that he would eventually become a successful attorney.

      Like everyone in our family, Uncle Phil had nicknames,some given during childhood others later in life. Family nicknames like Philly, Felipe Larou, Stink, Felipe Sparks, or skid-mark. But the one nickname that really says it all is "Primetime". 

         Uncle Phil was the first in our immediate family to graduate from College.  But that was just the first of many steps he walked on his path towards success.  He then went on to Law school and earned  his Law degree.  Next he passed the Bar exam to become a lawyer.  Now these are not easy feats.  There is a lot of hard work, effort, committment, time, stress, and hurdles to overcome.  I know that Phil, like all of us, grew weary or discouraged at times, but he pressed on and put the work in to complete the tasks at hand to reach his goals.                                                                                                                                                 
He accomplished things that his father, brothers, and many of us in our immediate family didn't, couldn't, or never tried to do.  Make no mistake- everyone in our family is successful in many different ways and we all have our own accomplishments or talents to be proud of. In fact two of Phil's nephews also have College degrees, and one a Masters.  They too worked hard to reach thier goals.  But guess what?  We don't call them "Primetime".
     My kids asked what does Primetime mean?  I tried to simplify it for them by explaining prime time televison.  That time of day when television stations play thier best shows. The programs they invest the most money, time, and talent into.  Primetime is when everyone is watching. It's when your in the spotlight. Many of these primetime shows become household names and are recognized as being the best of the best. They are often critically acclaimed or win awards because they have set a certain standard of excellence. 

Similarily, Uncle Phil- a.k.a."Primetime" set the standard in our family.  In his educational feats, professional stature, and his example as a Son, Brother, Uncle, Husband and Father.  He earned the nick name Primetime because he set the bar high! 


His Father, my Grandpa, always encouraged us to get an education. He was always in our corner encouraging us and preaching that education and hard work will pay off.  "You can do anything you set your mind to." he would say.  When Uncle Phil graduated and became a Lawyer my Grandpa could not have been prouder.  Even years later when Phil was well into his profession he would speak about his son "the lawyer" a.k.a. Primetime with great pride.  Thinking about it now I realize that everything our Grandpa told us about getting an education, setting goals, working hard, and focusing; came into fruition in Uncle Phil.      

And even though some of us would refer to him as "Primetime" he was very humble about his accomplishments.  He was most proud of the family he  created with his wife Darla and children Sam and Olivia.  For they are where his heart resides and they are where his love and legacy will continue to grow. 


Rest In Paradise Uncle Phil , Until we meet again...... 

  

Stepping into Eternity

Door Opens

        Walks thru the door  

          

   Feels a familiar hand on the shoulder 

     hears a familiar voice

   "You did good Son"

  "Dad, I wasn't finished, I tried so hard to stay"

"Son, sometimes we complete the job we were sent to do  but we just don't realize it.  It is beyond our comprehension" 

" Son it is like we are sent to plant the seeds and then water them for only so long, then they will grow on thier own, somehow"

"I wanted to stay longer and I fought it too son, I understand how your feeling"

"But Dad, What about....." 

"Dont worry Son.  They will be alright"

"Are you sure Dad?"

"I'm sure.  Trust that all will be fine and those 2 seeds will grow and reap rewards , rewards that you will reunite with again"

"Now, lets go have Breakfast, We have alot of catching up to do."

"You look good Dad"

Smiling, "Your brother is waiting.  Grandma and Grandpa can't wait to see you too."

Walk through doorway together

Door Closes

Disconnect

There's a disconnect

This internet

Connects

Yet disconnects

U think it helps you re-connect

The endless stream of truth or lies

By this screen- we're mesmerized

The days, the time just passes by 

We'd rather send a text

Not ready to hear their voice just yet

 The Disconnect

Just email me your dreams or thoughts

Busy binging on these videos I watch

Post on my wall, Happy Birthday to all

Hypnotized by this screen, no urge to call

The Disconnect

Gonna write these words for all the world to see

Then maybe, just maybe they'll like me

If U feel the disconnect

There's still time to re-connect

Not saying ban the internet

Rather, ban the Disconnect

Use it  to your advantage

Don't let it take control of U

Your time on earth is brief,  So manage

To do what you were born to do

August Clouds

8/22

AUGUST CLOUDS

What can you say in August to the boy who’s father left us?  
It’s all part of a master plan? 
The God of this world is really a man?  

See the look upon his face, his steady nervous pace, 
the hope -just a trace -the clouds are falling into place. 

Can you see them? The clouds are caving in. CAVING IN.  
Yes the weather seems good today but the clouds will have the final say.  For when the forecast is at hand -"It’s all part of the master plan," (says the weatherman.)
                                 Last August the clouds seemed so far away.  The weatherman predicted clear skies today! Then reminded you that even a little bit of rain can't drown out the pain.  (Wait, what’s he trying to say?)

August means the end of summer fun -when you are young.  
A new cycle begins. Some will lose and some will win.  
For the boy all cycles have ended.  He is shattered, unraveled
 -in a whirlwind you can’t ever know; unless you've been there before. 

Forecast calls for tornadoes tomorrow. Reminding you of the time you have and how it's borrowed.  
Yes tornadoes can bring you down to the ground -yet they’re gone in a flash.  But these clouds will hover and cast (their grip on you).

“We don’t need no clouds, no.”  Somebody famous once sang.(who?)  Then the clouds came calling for him.  Now all we hear are his echos and the boy does  too (within)

The echo of his fathers’ footsteps, the echo of the clearing of his throat, every echo of every sound his father ever made, he knows.  

They told him to rely on the most high because he controls the clouds.(Now repeat it out loud)  "He controls the clouds." 

It is all part of a master plan.  
Makes no sense to the boy this August. 

He doesn't feel like the rest of us.

We could see the clouds hovering above but we couldn't see the boy. For he stood in the midst --of the clouds grips. 

This was thier separation.

And his fathers’ preparation.

August Clouds here to pull somebody in.

The boy knows… it isn’t him.

Let the healing begin.

Destination: 7th Floor

Step inside. 
The next world is waiting

Destination, 7th floor.

Reaching out, reaching up

In slow motion 

being elevated

Softly he sang:

Take me 2 the 7th floor
A love is waiting
that  I've never known before

Take me 2 the 7th floor 
 The aftershow

His smile curved wide
 but just 2 one side
As he began flowing

2 the next paradigm

Softly he sang:

Take me 2 the 7th floor, I've given all I can. There is no more

Take me 2 the 7th floor,  A new world awaits me

A new world 2 explore

His breathing slowing
A  peaceful wind blowing
A bright light in sight
glowing
glowing

Softly he whispered

Take me 2 the 7th floor, Where we dance as spirits, 
Our flesh no more

Take me 2 the 7th floor, Another song is playing
 I can hear the chords

 In Each beat, Each string, Each horn

 Music Divine

I am Reborn

on 
The 7th floor