The Soundtrack 2 My Life

Since the age of 13, there has been a constant soundtrack playing as I walked and lived my life.  The music of Prince. 

With his passing on to the next world a very big part of me died too.  If you have known me closely or even from afar, you have either heard the purple music around me,,,or saw something and maybe were taken aback at first. Thinking to yourself ...Prince? Really.   

 His death today has hit me hard., how hard. I don’t even know yet. But my gut hurts. My hands are shaking. Today people texted me, called, posted on my social media, condolences and well wishes...positive messages.  When they heard the news they thought of me.WOW. I am honored. 

  

In my life it seemed like he never let me down. The timing of his albums being released, or the content of the material always seemed to hit me at the right moment or take me to a place that helped me somehow.  There was a connection.

For me it has always been about the music. Always will be.  Take everything else: the videos, movies, make up, his symbol, dancing, costumes,posters,t shirts or fan collectibles.. whatever.---It is nothing without the music. The musicianship.  The sound. The lyrics.  The versatility.  He did it all. Rock,Pop,Jazz,Funk,R&B,..love songs, nasty songs, songs that blew your mind, eccentric songs.. whimsical,funky, other worldly! The music spoke to me. The soundtrack to my life since I was 13 yrs old. And it never stopped.  NEVER.  It goes way past purple rain, past the songs most people have heard.  Deeper.  

Driven,crazy,upbeat,eccentric,electrical,positive,confusing,metaphysical. 

.All this  music I have memorized, collected, smiled to, danced to, ,,,music that made me think deeper, inspired me, moved me, ....influenced my way of thinking, helped me learn about myself. Challenged me. Taught me it was okay to be different. Helped me accept others who were considered different. It was the Soundtrack to my life.

Prince and I have went through alot together.  Good times, hard times, best of times....worst times.   

 My parents Divorce (Purple Rain).  He was there the summer I moved from the Midwest to Texas (BatmanSoundtrack), my job losses and financial struggles (Chaos and Disorder)--When my first daughter was born (The Most Beautiful Girl in the World/Gold Experience), during my renewed faith and relationship with GOD (Emancipation/Crystal Ball), getting married (The Rainbow Children).

I credit him for my weird daring creative side because my formative teen years were spent digesting Parade/Sign of the Times/Lovesexy. 

Wait, -- LoveSexy!!  There I was walking into the record store in 1988 (I was 17 years old) to buy that album the first day it was out-- like I did all of his releases and he is stark naked on the cover.  Damn, Prince put me in a tight spot again...stares. People stared at him.  They stared at me. We were weird we were different.  Dare to be different he taught me. Believe me since my teenage years I've been scoffed at more times than I remember for being a Prince admirer. 

A long time ago Prince said "life is death without adventure and adventure only comes to those of us willing to be daring and take chances."  I've always remembered that.  He took chances. He put himself out there. He is a musical genius but more than that he WORKED at it.  People don't realize how much he worked...It takes work to get to his level.  His musical versatility is unmatched.  Have you heard his Madhouse albums?  Instrumental jazz fused jam sessions?  Most don't realize that my blog "2 whomever it may concern" is in fact a title to a Prince song. 

Go listen to Wasted Kisses, Joy In Repitition, Electric Intercourse, Purple Rain (yeah you know that one).  Those are songs I love. I have no favorite song. I have 1000,00's of songs to choose from. Though he has left this world,  his soundtrack will still play on....................... .

Be You, Be Bold

I see greatness in you

I see the future too

U dare to be you, while others try to change

 or pick or choose

Standing bold in who you are

Ever since the day you were born you had that glow

Like that shiny glare where there could have been hair

this i know

It's a gift

 the way you lift

the spirits of those around you.

Silliness of a clown, but easily serious too

Your a magnet 

like the moon to the earth or the earth to the sun

Children run towards you

 surrounding, clowning, 

knowing that with you comes fun

The room lights up when you enter 

 you don't even see it

Your just too busy being you.

I see greatness in you

I see the future too

Inquisition in those eyes, 

keep reading, keep questioning, keep trying, 

keep asking why

Don't believe for one second of one day that anything or anyone can hold you back

Stand tall, step forward, look out into the crowds

There are many that lack

Lack the spirit that radiates off your shoulders

Be bold

Ever since the day you were born you had that glow

Like that shiny glare where there could have been hair

this I know

All those times they looked or stared or stopped and pointed , 

 Every day your bold

Be you --your somebody God has anointed

God is with you as you walk your way.

He made you, like he made me too.  

Be you

 Be Bold

I see greatness in you

I see the future too

Now I smile

I have nothing. Nothing. I'm  blank. I'm sterile. Void of any spunk. Couldn't find it even if i looked . The Funk .  Dance no more, and smile? what a bore. In a state of mind when I'm just on borrowed time. Asleep but walking around. Negativity you may say, dominating , the devil or some other being.  Hard not to agree. I see the darkness all around me, Yet light no candle nor close my eyes. Face the darkness, face the reality.  The news don't scare me. News changes with each minute of each hour and each day... barely affects my eyes, or anything that makes me cry. --Real men cry. Yet I don't feel like a man at all if tears ever stream down these cheeks.  These cheeks   these cheekamokes ha,ha, cheekamokes, . smile. now i smile

Phase

One day you look around and wonder , how did I get here, what steps lead me down this path.  

Who guided me? Who slighted me?  Slight of hand, the magicians can. 

 Make you look up while they do something down. Making you laugh like a circus clown.

Clowned by life, thinking you had to get married, have a family, have a wife, get a car, and another, one more, two --now three.

Never questioning if this is how it's supposed to be. It's the power of love!

 Somebody sang once on the radio long long time ago.

I hated that song.  

Only power I know is the one that beats in my chest and pumps blood thru my head. both

Power of the blood.

Powerless, we all are, in the grand scheme of days and nights.   

we find it , then grind it, then wonder if we ever liked it.

Feeling this tingling all thru the  body, like sharp needles poking away, 

all over the arms, the chest, the scalp, the face

This skin...driving me insane...ouch. ouch, umm this has gotta stop 

It's the d r u g s   and all of their side effects this i know.

Yet, still sip n swallow......take a pill, than another because that last pill

had a side effect, so here's another, equals new side effect, here you go another pill...

"pills thrills daffodils will kill"....that's the line that shaped my life, shaped my mind.  The line that helped me escape in a dire dire time

Back when I was a boy.  2 be young again,,, I wrote better when I was younger...more free, more creativity, more mind to flex and less responsibility or fret.  More hormones I guess. 

How many lovers have you had? Don't lie, if you didn't love them were they lovers at all ?? Or just a  f   u   c  k  doll?

Now see, that's the youngsta' coming out of me.... Sometimes you gotta reach back, down, inside, way way back and pull that youngsta' out of you.   

Unfocused youngsta' , wannabe gangsta', immature pranksta', pullin up n down on that wangsta'.

Go now, and find that youngsta' in you , bring him out to play once in awhile

 then maybe that number you call age

 will just be a phase.

 phase 

phase

phase

Thank you,thank you

Shaking just shaking . Rolling just rolling . The tears are flowing just flowing . My body mind and soul are lost somewhere in between feeling and not feeling -not numb but not alive . Time to say goodbye. Time to move on to the next world . You did good things in the first and your being rewarded up in heaven.   Wish I could have seen u one last time smiling at me and surprising me with a funny remark -u never dissapointed with your quick whit.  Thank you for all the wisdom ..for all the love ...all the time.. For showing me what a strong family man is . I want to be like you , it's the most that I can do. I don't want to do my best. I want to do your best because your best is so much better. I Can't wait until we meet again. Until that time Thank u thank u❤️

Nails

When I was fifteen I went through a time of rebellion and confusion.  I was at a place where the road I was on was leading me towards nowhere, except maybe more trouble. In times like this you usually learn the hard way and are worse off.  But sometimes somebody will step up and help steer you away from your destructive path.  For me, that person was my Grandfather, or as we called him "Gramps".

     It was the summer of 1987 and because of my actions, not only was a I heading towards my Junior year of High School, but  I would be living under a new roof , attending a new school, in a new city and unbeknownst to me -- heading towards a whole new direction.  Why? Because I was moving into my grandparents house and "Gramps" quickly laid down the rules and expectations.  I learned and changed a lot during the two years I lived there.  But it all started that summer.

     Not too long after I moved in Gramps came home with a van full of scrap wood.  They were all different lengths and sizes.  He was planning on building a woodshed in the backyard and knew a guy who let him take their scrap wood.  Yeah Gramps always knew somebody or had a connection.  He had me help him unload all the wood and we laid it on the ground in the driveway in front of the garage. It was a lot of wood and because it was scrap wood it had nails sticking in and out of it --some more than others, some straight and others bent, some rusted.  He looked at me and said "tomorrow your going to pull all the nails out of the wood while I'm at work and you need to have it done before I get home".  I told him okay, but in my head I was thinking "What the heck? I can't do this".  And to make matters worse I wasn't exactly the handy man type.  I mean to be honest, I didn't know my way around hammers, nails, or tools in general.

     The next morning he reminded me of my chore for the day.  He had made a makeshift table for me with a piece of plywood and  two wood saw horse stands.  After he left for work, I put on my bandanna and went outside.  It was hot -the air thick.  I reached down to pick up the first piece of wood.  It had a nail jammed in it that was completely bent.  I struggled to straighten out the nail and tried to ply it out --but could not.  I threw it down and picked up a different piece with a not so bent nail--I struggled with that one too.  "Dang", I thought to myself, "I am never gonna get this done".

     Some pieces had multiple nails too, so I started looking for some that looked easier --after a while of struggling and sweating I started to get better at it and eventually pried a few out. So I went back and picked up the first one with the completely bent up nail and began to hammer to straighten the bent side out and began working on it.  I sweated, jammed my fingers, got scratched up by the nail a few times , got frustrated and cursed -but I couldn't quit.  Gramps was expecting this to be finished.  At the same time I recall thinking "this is crap--why do I have to do this?--it's not my shed! and how come he didn't just go buy some brand new wood with no nails?".  So Somehow I managed to get the job done.  This was just the first of many jobs or "projects" as Gramps would call them, that I would work on while living there.                                    

Now as I look back I find symbolism in all I did that day.

     We will all struggle with issues in our youth, adulthood and all thru life.  These struggles vary from person to person --it can be health issues. marriage, raising a family, or a career.  These struggles or problems are much like those nails I was jarring from the wood that day. Some nails were easy to pull out but the majority were quite difficult--bent up --some rusty-- some nails larger than others--in life you find the same thing.

     That day when I began prying at those nails I thought for sure I could not do it.  But I  was able to overcome the difficult task. And now later in life I have overcome a few of the nails that have come my way--some nails are still stuck and little by little I am prying them loose.  It's hard. But it can be done. And I have come to realize that there is always more to be done because nails will spring up when you least expect them to..

I like to think that I myself was a bent up nail when I moved into my Grandpas house that summer.  But during that two year span that I stayed there he jarred me loose.  He jarred me loose from the path I was on so I could go forward.  So that  I could be strong enough to face the nails that would eventually come my way.

DNR DNR DNR DNR DNR DNR DNR DNR DNR DNR

DNR

Do not resuscitate.  Is that how you spell it ?  R -E -S- U- S -C- I -T- A- T- E.

You hear that phrase about a loved one and immediately your heart is heavy, slows, or speeds or skips a beat.  Do not?  Wait.....DO NOT??  That means if someone can't breathe - don't help them. 

Leave them be.  Let it go.  Let them go. Go where?  Not here, is all we really know.

Not in the same state of health or mind or physical being. Not in pain as we know it. Not in the struggle , not in the fight. Free yes Free. Free from this life.  Let me spell it again. R E S U S C I T A T E. It can mean what it means or something much more enlightening.  

Remember the nicknames, the smiles, the laughter, the quick one liners to the waitress or cashier. 

Enjoy the memories of watching movies with pizza n chicken, or tagging along to a G sale, in the Van 

Smile when you think of him, see his smile in your mind, hear his voice, listen, listen. Can you hear him? 

Understand all those lessons he tried to teach you.  Now that you've grown up a little you understand..

Sharing. Share the stories, share the lessons, share the memories and traditions with the next generations

Cry, even tho he told you not to cry for him, cry for yourself--someone said always cry for love never pain.

Intercede into others lives, like he interceded into yours.  Intercede and be a difference maker.

Talk.  Talk to people, to your kids, your family, talk about life, talk about faith and love and be thankful 

Appreciate  Just Appreciate all the good he brought your way. All those years.In all his own ways

Time.  He gave you his time. Remember? The time spent together. The greatest gift, his time.

Everyday.  He is with you every day.  When you speak, when you eat, when you joke, when you laugh, all of that is from him.  You have a part of him in your personality, your blood , your humor, your work ethic,

Everyday..........forever...HE IS .with  you.  DO NOT resuscitate yourself from that connection